Hello Stranger

Wow, I swear I posted in early October! Sorry!

Things have been very busy, school started, then it was my little princess's 4th birthday in mid-October. That involved 2 visits to Disneyland and a big party. I fell off the wagon. Early October I hit 202.4, and rose back up to 206.4. I've been fighting to get it back off. Its very hard to slip and get back on the ball. I'm back down to 204, and with 12 days before our trip I'm feeling discouraged that I won't meet my trip goal. I am happy with the way my clothes are fitting, and happier with the way photos are looking (from the neck up!). I'm heading to the market today, and I'm going to stock my fridge and cupboards with healthy foods. We had left over kettle chips from the birthday party that are going in the trash, I just love them too much and can't stay away from them.

I've gotta get back on this. What makes me happy is even with gaining, I know I can get it back off. I know I can do this, even if its slowed down a bit. If I don't make it by my trip, I don't make it by my trip. I'm still going to get there eventually!

And, I made it through Halloween without eating any candy! Yay me! :)

Weekly Weigh In!

Hello there! I weighed in today, so thought I would update.

208.2 13lbs GONE

This week was hard for me. I had been craving junk food BIG time. I wanted fast food, pizza, nachos...all the bad stuff!!! And I was HUNGRY. I hate feeling hungry. But, that said, I clearly did ok! A little over a pound lost, and I'm very happy about that! Only 8.4lbs from my first goal, 10% lost (or 21lbs). I know 10% is huge for increasing health, and that is my ultimate goal here. I don't have any desire to be "skinny", I'm not built for that. I do want to be healthy, though.

The disadvantage to losing over 10lbs? I Lost 80 calories a day in my budget ;). That's ok...its worth it to get healthy!!! Just gotta keep working on slowly shrinking my intake so I'm not super hungry all the time. I'm hoping that by shrinking a little bit a day, I'll also shrink my stomach without really feeling hungry. That's my hope, at least!!!

Slacker!!!

Bad blogger...bad!
I'm happy to announce that while I've sucked at blogging, I'm still rocking the weight loss! I weighed in this morning...

209.4  That's 11.8 lbs GONE!!! (read that in a singsong voice...that's how I said it in my head when typing it)

I am SO proud of myself. My hubby has been cheering me on the whole way, with high fives and "good job, babe!". It helps so much! I'm more than half way to my first goal for our anniversary trip, with 2 1/2 months left to go. I'm not changing that goal...there are birthday parties coming up, and if I have a setback I'm not going to kick myself...I will still be happy with 20lbs by November.

And, a little Elliptical update. Groupon SUCKS. They never shipped my elliptical, even though they promised it had shipped and would be here any day for 2 weeks. They finally issued a refund after I filed a BBB complaint and threatened to dispute my credit card bill. It is so RIDICULOUS it had to get to that point for them to give me my money back!!! So, I'm back to shopping around for a good deal. I hurt my foot while cleaning (I know...only me!) and am in a protective shoe, so I can't really exercise right now anyways. Silver lining right?

I have been struggling a bit with boredom on my food, but seeing those results on the scale this morning gave me some renewed enthusiasm! I was eating honey wheat pretzels every day with my lunch. I did switch those up! I don't trust myself with chips I have to count or measure, so I got prepackaged single serving bags of baked chips. They are each under 140 calories. They may be small, but they cured that crunchy, salty, cheesy chip craving I was having!!!

I'm also in LOVE with ghirardelli chocolate squares. They are about 60 calories per square, but they are absolute rich chocolatey heaven in each square!!! I don't eat on every day, but I do enjoy them at least once a week!

My biggest indulgence is my coffee creamer...seriously. I live for Coffeemate Coconut Creme creamer! I have at least 70 calories worth of that stuff a day, but it is my little escape. It is the perfect summer creamer! And...I can't live without my coffee, so I make adjustments where needed ;)

So, that's where I am today. I'll try not to slack anymore, but I'm planning the princess's 4th (WHAT? How is she going to be 4?!) birthday party, and that's keeping me pretty busy!!! I'll be back sometime next week.

Updates

Got back from my trip late last Monday. I weighed myself on Tuesday, and was up 2lbs to 216. I wasn't surprised, I wasn't going to spend my whole vacation searching for somewhere in this small mountain community that served healthy food. I ate healthy at camp, got what I wanted when we went out, and splurged on dessert twice. The difference between this time and every other time I've gained is I KNEW I could get it back off. I didn't feel discouraged, or like I failed. I got back on track and got back to work. So, I also moved weigh ins to Monday, since that gave me a week to work, instead of 1 day. So, here is the update from this week:

212.6!!!

That is 8.6lbs gone, and I'm already seeing a difference in the way some of my clothes fit!!!

I went back to my first blog post last year, and here is a refresher of my stats from October 27, 2011
215.2
waist? 42"
mid-thigh? 23 1/2"
calf? 16"
upper arm? 14 1/2"


I'm so super happy that I'm below that weight!!! I decided to remeasure myself too...here we go!
Waist: 41"  That's one inch down!!!
Mid-thigh: 22" HOLY COW!
Calf: 15 3/4"  A loss is a loss!!!
Upper arm: 14" This one I was most worried about...Its one of my most self consious places!!!

I'm very happy with the results so far, and am motivated to keep working. My elliptical still hasn't arrived, so I'm seeing this progress without exercise. I can't wait to see what exercise does for me...especially the measurements part!!!

So, a food update:
Still addicted to wraps made with laughing cow cheese. These are an absolute staple!
I've also found a delicious snack made with a wrap, Chocolate PB2, and a banana. It is a super yummy, sweet treat packed with protein. I LOVE it!
I've been taking an organic precooked brown rice I got at costco, mixing it with some frozen asian veggies and chopped chicken, and drizzling different kinds of asian sauces. It is super yummy and cures my chinese food fix! My favorites are the Panda Express sauces. They are only 30 calories per serving, and one serving is plenty for one of the bowls i make!!!
I'm a dessert junkie, specifically chocolate and ice cream! I've really enjoyed the healthy choice premium fudge bars. They are super chocolaty and creamy...and absolute craving fixer!!!

I can't wait for cooler weather. I love soup, and I've found some healthy soup recipes I can't wait to try!!!

Quick weigh in!

Sorry for the quiet this week. We have a camping trip starting tomorrow, so I've been busy!
Despite that (and having pizza this week!) I still have the following weight to post:
214.2

Thats -2.8 from last week! I'll take it!

Today, I haven't had much to eat. I had dental work done and my teeth are sore! I had some brown rice for lunch. I know that next week won't have as impressive of results since camping food isn't always as healthy, but hoping for no gain! We'll see! See ya next week!

One week down!!!

I did it! I lasted a full week, including a meal at the zoo yesterday! Grilled chicken sandwich with a salad instead of fries. They didn't have any light dressing, so I put a tiny bit of ranch (about a teaspoon) on it. Shocker...a salad doesn't need a ton of dressing ;). I love when I test myself and find I enjoy something. Next on that list is fish. I know how healthy it is, but I'm not usually a fan. I'm going to keep trying, though!
I woke up this morning, and decided to weigh in right away. I've weighed myself 3x since then because I didn't believe it...thought the scale was wrong or something
217!!!!!!
I can't believe I lost 4.2 lbs in a week! I know about a pound is accounted for in the difference in time of day  and some *ahem* bloat. I'm finding myself feeling more motivated every day. I didn't even want the usual burger at the zoo yesterday...I was perfectly happy with the chicken sandwich! There are some things I miss, but I know that once I hit my goal weight I'll be able to have those things in moderation...but during the loss stage I'm trying to avoid that slippery slope.

So there you have it...success! Here is to another successful week!

Step one...

My first step (while waiting for my elliptical to ship), has been working on what I eat and drink. I've been successful for a full week now keeping below my calories allowed...this is huge for me! I've been very strict at measuring everything I eat, which helps me know exactly how much I'm eating, and what calories I'm consuming. I didn't weigh myself until last Wednesday afternoon, so I'm waiting (impatiently!) to reweigh myself this Wednesday. I'll be weighing in and posting my weight every Wednesday. I'm hoping to see some results. My goal is reasonable, in my humble opinion! I'm hoping to lose 1-2 lbs a week. I'll be super excited if I lose more, but I want to keep it real. This isn't the Biggest Loser, this is real life!!! I really want to be in the 190s before our trip in November, so here's to keeping to my food goals!

Some of my favorite meals, since I like to share :)
Tuna Pitas with lettuce, pickles, and onions
Flatout Pizza
Turkey Pita, bagel, or Wrap
Cinnabon Cream of Wheat

I'm hoping to make some homemade turkey burger patties this week to make with the pitas. I'm trying to limit my bread consumption. I've found Alternative Bagels and Alternative Pitas made by Western Bagel. Oh my word they are delicious!!! I eat them AT LEAST once a day! I love sandwiches, and these allow me to continue to eat them without all the crazy calories!
I'm working on learning more exciting meals than sandwiches, wraps, and pitas. I've found a bunch of soup recipes, but its too hot for that now!

A couple fun things I've found, that are super delicious and not high in calories is yogurt salad dressings and, well, YOGURT. My mid-day sweet tooth is killer, so I grab a yoplait and I'm happy! The salad dressings are super yummy, and I use them on my wraps to add a little extra flavor.

So, that's where I'm at now! Keeping my chin up, enjoying not feeling bogged down from all the fatty foods, and keeping myself motivated and accountable!

Remember me?!

Well, I started this blog last fall. I quickly realized that starting right into C25K when I am very overweight was a bad idea. My joints couldn't handle it, and that just made me so frustrated. I gave up, and stopped blogging, stopped dieting, stopped working out. And I gained even more weight.
I now weigh 221.2 lbs and I am so over it! I'm so addicted to food it isn't even funny. I find myself eating when I'm not hungry because it tastes so good. I don't eat when I'm sad, I'm not an emotional eater. I'm an all the freaking time eater because I LOVE the taste of food.
The hubby and I are working on planning our 10th anniversary vacation in November. There is a good chance this vacation will involve physical activites like hiking, riding an ATV, or swimming. Yes, swimming. A bathing suit. Lovely. This is a vacation I've wanted for YEARS, and I'm not passing up on this opportunity. So, I'm taking this opportunity to CHANGE MY LIFE.
I thought about a gym membership. I love the idea of workout classes. But I also know myself, and I likely wont go and if I get there and its crowded I'll want to leave. So, I bought an elliptical! It should be here in a couple weeks. This is my #1 obsticle with the treadmill, the impact on my joints. The elliptical will avoid that, so I'm going to do at least 30 minutes a day...at least! I'm going to work myself up to an hour. For a month my sweet girl will be out of school, so I'll have to work around her being home, but I AM going to do this. I have to. I want to enjoy my vacation and pictures from that vacation as a short term goal.
Enjoying life with my husband and my daughter is my long term goal. I'm scared. Will I be able to stick with it? I know I'm capable, but will I do it long term? I'm a junk food junkie. I need to find healthy options, and make those my only options.
I joined My Fitness Pal this week (again). I'm actually keeping a food journal and staying within my calories for the day. I've stayed within my calories for 3 days! Small steps, right?

I know I can do this...I'm not dieting, I'm changing my life. I deserve this.

Small Successes

I'm trying to make baby steps. I'm afraid trying to change everything at once will result in major setbacks. Every time I've "dieted" it is instant drastic changes, and I've always slipped off the wagon. I'm really hoping that making small changes each week, I'll make new habits and be successful.

Like I said, earlier in the week I started the C25K program. I made it through day 2. I was going to do day 3 today, but spent 4 hours walking around the zoo with the princess on my shoulders about half the time, so my legs can't take another workout today. I'll reconsider tonight, but likely I'll do it tomorrow during her nap time. So, adding exercise is my small change this week.

I know nutrition is very important to change. I'm trying to make better choices, but not going to let myself feel guilt if I make a mistake. I need to stop viewing food as only used for pleasure. Sure, it is good to enjoy what you eat, but the fact is the function of food is nourishing our bodies. I need to view food as nourishment. Sure, there are some good things about chocolate, hamburgers, etc, but there are also more nourishing, healthier choices that can be made.

I made a huge, delicious change last night. I LOVE sweets. I could eat dessert after every meal. I've been known to have pie or cake for breakfast. It is ridiculous, but it is what it is...a bad habit. So, I've decided I can have one dessert a week, but try to find healthy alternatives on the other days. At the grocery store, I decided that my first attempt would be yogurt. I bought Yoplait light Key Lime Pie because I already KNOW how yummy that is! I also bought the Dannon Light and Fit Toasted Coconut Vanilla. Holy deliciousness! I LOVE coconut cream pie, and this yogurt is easily a replacement for that! It is creamy, sweet, and oh so full of coconut goodness! I not only enjoyed it, but also felt so proud of myself for finding something healthy (80 calories and zero fat!)!!!

Today, I made a lunch choice I am so proud of I have to share it. We went to the zoo. We all know the choices available at amusement parks/zoos for food. I walked up to the menu, and saw burgers, fries, grilled cheese, and hot dogs. Then I saw it! Turkey Burger! I ordered it with no cheese and no sauce. I also ordered a side salad instead of fries, and no dressing. The salad wasn't delicious without dressing, but it was filling, crunchy, and nutritious (carrots, cabbage, romaine, and iceberg lettuce.) The burger was a turkey burger on whole wheat bun with pickles, tomatoes, lettuce, and onion. It was delicious! I ate it feeling so proud of my choice! How often do I go out and eat food feeling ashamed of my choice and afraid of what people think of the fatty chowing down on a huge burger and fries. Not today! I ate something healthy with pride! Go me!

I know it is early for a weight check, but I couldn't resist...

210.0!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That can (and probably will) fluctuate before my "official" weekly weigh in next Thursday...but the point is it is 100% success! How motivating is that!?!?!

I also want to thank you all for reading, and for your support!
Until next time!

Here we go!

I was checking on my facebook yesterday, and was reading a comment my friend posted on her page. "Everyone fails. It's what you do after you fail that defines what you're made of. ~Me."
Let me just tell you...I've failed, majorly. Here is a little background on my weight loss struggles;

My junior year of high school I weighed 189 pounds. I hated the way I looked, hated clothes shopping...I was miserable. Along came Phen-Fen. I got down to 125 pounds, wore a size 3! And, I still felt fat and ugly...it was ridiculous. I still felt like I needed to lose weight. Oh the joys of the teen years!
I graduated high school, Phen-Fen was pulled, and I gained back 40lbs over the next 2 years. Again (still) hated clothes shopping...but I was active in college and joined a wonderful sorority. I was loving life and not stressing about weight.
Went back to the weight loss doctor, got back on meds, and got back down to 140 lbs. I felt great, for the first time in a long time! I met my hubby, got comfortable, stopped going to the weight loss doctor, and in 6 months was back up to the 170s. Before the wedding I started the meds again, and got back down to the 160s. I was happy, and comfortable, even if I wasn't as low as I once was.
After the wedding, I was growing into cooking for us, eating as much as my hubby, and cooking cheap. We both gained weight gradually over the next 5 years. I gained much faster than the hubby...of course! After my sister in laws wedding, we both decided it was time to get healthy. We made changes, he lost a lot of weight, worked out, and got healthy. I was sidelined by an ectopic pregnancy. At the start of this I weighed 213 pounds. I had lost 10 pounds before I went into the hospital for the surgery.
In the next year I got up to 219 pounds. Again, tired of it, hired a personal trainer and started making changes to my eating habits. I was finding a love of exercise! But, again sidelined by another surgery. This time, for adhesions in my abdomen. The recovery was brutal, but being on a liquid only diet in the hospital for a week, I lost 15 pounds! It was a very motivating jump start. I started Weight Watchers in October 2008, and was down to 168 by June 2009. At which point I became a mommy, a stay at home mommy, and stopped weight watchers because I could no longer afford it..
Over the last 2 1/2 years I've struggled to do this on my own. Fighting my cravings and lazy nature. I started the couch 2 5K program on Tuesday, and struggled the first day, but did it! I got on the scale yesterday.....
215.2
waist? 42"
mid-thigh? 23 1/2"
calf? 16"
upper arm? 14 1/2"


Disgusting. How did I do this to myself? Why did I let this happen? This has got to change. My life has got to change.
The quote mentioned above comes from my friend, Emily. Talk about inspiring. She, too, was overweight. She changed her life. She started eating better, and hired a personal trainer. She became a runner. This girl has ran a marathon, and completed a triathlon! She not only got herself into a healthy place, but she is now a personal trainer also, helping other people change their lives. She is truly an inspiration for me. If she could do it, why can't I?
So, today, when I had a fully stressful morning, I decided that instead of doing my usual gorge on junk food laying on the couch veg session...I had lunch (left over pizza made with low fat cheese and turkey pepperoni), and did day 2 of C25K. Was it hard, heck yes. My knees and ankles seize up before I run out of breath. My joints are struggling under this weight. I have to get this under control. I have to change my life.
As the great Jillian Michaels said on "The Biggest Loser", "This is where it matters the most. This is where lives are made, in these moments, when you can choose whether or not to say 'I can't' or 'I can'. It is a choice that will either make or break you for life."

It is no longer just about me. My husband and daughter are also counting on me. I know I'm going to stumble, but I'm choosing to say "I can".