Here we go!

I was checking on my facebook yesterday, and was reading a comment my friend posted on her page. "Everyone fails. It's what you do after you fail that defines what you're made of. ~Me."
Let me just tell you...I've failed, majorly. Here is a little background on my weight loss struggles;

My junior year of high school I weighed 189 pounds. I hated the way I looked, hated clothes shopping...I was miserable. Along came Phen-Fen. I got down to 125 pounds, wore a size 3! And, I still felt fat and ugly...it was ridiculous. I still felt like I needed to lose weight. Oh the joys of the teen years!
I graduated high school, Phen-Fen was pulled, and I gained back 40lbs over the next 2 years. Again (still) hated clothes shopping...but I was active in college and joined a wonderful sorority. I was loving life and not stressing about weight.
Went back to the weight loss doctor, got back on meds, and got back down to 140 lbs. I felt great, for the first time in a long time! I met my hubby, got comfortable, stopped going to the weight loss doctor, and in 6 months was back up to the 170s. Before the wedding I started the meds again, and got back down to the 160s. I was happy, and comfortable, even if I wasn't as low as I once was.
After the wedding, I was growing into cooking for us, eating as much as my hubby, and cooking cheap. We both gained weight gradually over the next 5 years. I gained much faster than the hubby...of course! After my sister in laws wedding, we both decided it was time to get healthy. We made changes, he lost a lot of weight, worked out, and got healthy. I was sidelined by an ectopic pregnancy. At the start of this I weighed 213 pounds. I had lost 10 pounds before I went into the hospital for the surgery.
In the next year I got up to 219 pounds. Again, tired of it, hired a personal trainer and started making changes to my eating habits. I was finding a love of exercise! But, again sidelined by another surgery. This time, for adhesions in my abdomen. The recovery was brutal, but being on a liquid only diet in the hospital for a week, I lost 15 pounds! It was a very motivating jump start. I started Weight Watchers in October 2008, and was down to 168 by June 2009. At which point I became a mommy, a stay at home mommy, and stopped weight watchers because I could no longer afford it..
Over the last 2 1/2 years I've struggled to do this on my own. Fighting my cravings and lazy nature. I started the couch 2 5K program on Tuesday, and struggled the first day, but did it! I got on the scale yesterday.....
215.2
waist? 42"
mid-thigh? 23 1/2"
calf? 16"
upper arm? 14 1/2"


Disgusting. How did I do this to myself? Why did I let this happen? This has got to change. My life has got to change.
The quote mentioned above comes from my friend, Emily. Talk about inspiring. She, too, was overweight. She changed her life. She started eating better, and hired a personal trainer. She became a runner. This girl has ran a marathon, and completed a triathlon! She not only got herself into a healthy place, but she is now a personal trainer also, helping other people change their lives. She is truly an inspiration for me. If she could do it, why can't I?
So, today, when I had a fully stressful morning, I decided that instead of doing my usual gorge on junk food laying on the couch veg session...I had lunch (left over pizza made with low fat cheese and turkey pepperoni), and did day 2 of C25K. Was it hard, heck yes. My knees and ankles seize up before I run out of breath. My joints are struggling under this weight. I have to get this under control. I have to change my life.
As the great Jillian Michaels said on "The Biggest Loser", "This is where it matters the most. This is where lives are made, in these moments, when you can choose whether or not to say 'I can't' or 'I can'. It is a choice that will either make or break you for life."

It is no longer just about me. My husband and daughter are also counting on me. I know I'm going to stumble, but I'm choosing to say "I can".